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| Intimacy |
Great sex doesn’t come naturally. The art of love making must be learnt and perfected for the success of every marriage. Have you ever noticed that every time people are portrayed to have sex on television for the very first time, everything turns out perfectly, and everything seems to be just wonderful?
They are portrayed to just know the right thing to do and the right places to touch to make for a good sexual experience. Well, the truth is, what we see on television is simply make-believe.
It is not the absolute truth. Nobody has a good time having sex for the very first time. Sex becomes better as we get more intimate with our spouses, improve on our skills of lovemaking, and take care of factors that can constitute hindrances to our sexual fulfillment. The following will help to improve sexual fulfillment:
Good communication
Good communication is essential for a fulfilled sexual life. Dr. Kevin Leman in his book “Sex Begins in the Kitchen” defines communication as the “sharing of yourself verbally and nonverbally in such a way as to enable someone else (your spouse) understand what you’ve said and how you feel. Communication involves not only sharing of words, but just as importantly, the skills of listening and understanding.” Dr. Bosun Ayinde in his book “Your Marriage and You” says further that communication involves “touching and looking, verbally and non-verbally in such a way that the other person can understand unambiguously what is being shared.”
We are bound to hurt one another and we are bound to step on one another’s toes, but a couple that desires sexual fulfillment must give priority to communicating properly their love and their hurt because good and clear communication paves way for great sex between husband and wife. Where there is unforgiveness or unsettled matters, sex becomes a duty and not a celebration of love.
Wendy Treat, in her book “SEX let’s talk about it” confirms this when she says “…sexual relationship is a celebration of love, and when you have bitterness or other negative emotions, you have a blockage that will show in your sexual relationship.” Therefore, you must endeavour to settle all issues on time i.e. before bed time, so as to create room for great lovemaking between you and your spouse.
Let go of the past
Many couple today suffer sexual dissatisfaction because they refuse to dissociate themselves from their past. They allow their past to infiltrate their present and rob them of the pleasure they could have in the present, and as well, jeopardize their future. Things from your past that you have refused to overcome could be what are responsible for the sexual dissatisfaction you are experiencing with your spouse today. Such things could be negative like hurt, bitter experience, etc or positive like a sexual relationship that gave you so much pleasure while it lasted but the memories still live with you till today.
Many women cannot set themselves free to enjoy sex with their husbands because of the painful experience they had in the past. They still see sex as something dirty, bad and hurtful. Many men cannot bring themselves to enjoy sex with their wives because they are always comparing them to some women they had affairs with in time past. The past must be allowed to pass away. If your past still hurts, then pray that God will heal you of it and please, let go. Stop holding on to it!
Let go of fantasies
The media have an exaggerated way of presenting things to us that makes us to begin to look for what does not exist. Many women fantasize of being taken to a height of orgasm that exists only in their imagination because of the way it is presented on television, and as a result, they cannot be satisfied sexually by their husband. They look forward to a sexual relationship that will make them scream and moan like those they watch in movies, and when they don’t get to scream and moan as expected, they are disappointed. Orgasm is the climax of sexual satisfaction during intercourse, but it is not as it is presented through the media. Any woman who desires sexual satisfaction from her husband cannot afford to live in Fantasy Island.
Don’t be indifferent
Many people are apathetic when it comes to their sexual relationship with their spouse. As far as they are concerned, it matters very little to them whether they are sexually satisfied or not. This people don’t see any reason why they need to work at making their sexual relationship with their spouse better because, as far as they are concerned, everything is alright the way it is. The problem with such people is that they leave the spouse unsatisfied, making them vulnerable.
Avoid being overweight
Though being overweight does not have a direct impact on your sexual relationship, yet its indirect impact cannot be over looked. This is because having a great body affects your self esteem and confidence. When you are proud of your body, you feel confident being naked before your spouse. But when you are not, the reverse is the case and you tend to become uptight with your body. Every woman needs to be in a shape that she will be comfortable with her body and vice versa. Being in good shape also helps your fitness which also affects your agility in bed.
Masturbation
Masturbation is one factor that is stops many men from giving the whole of themselves to their wives. It is the act of giving oneself sexual pleasure by rubbing ones sexual organs. This is common among men. When a man practices masturbation, it may cause him to feel he doesn’t need a spouse or that a spouse cannot satisfy him like he will satisfy himself. Such men get married because they have to and not because they need a woman to satisfy their sexual needs. They make love to their wives only when it is necessary and unavoidable. For such men, satisfying their wives’ sexual desire will not be a priority.
Create time for one another
A tight time schedule is one factor that is responsible for the sexual dissatisfaction among couples today. Perfecting the art of love making takes time. When all that you do is to rush into your wife and rush out because you have worked yourself out at work, then reaching orgasm may become a mirage. For the wife, lying like a log of wood, with the attitude of ‘do whatever you want to do and let me sleep’ after overworking yourself during the day, does not make for sexual fulfillment for the man. Couples whose goal is to attain sexual satisfaction in marriage must commit themselves to spending quality time together.
Let go of fantasies
The media have an exaggerated way of presenting things to us that makes us to begin to look for what does not exist. Many women fantasize of being taken to a height of orgasm that exists only in their imagination because of the way it is presented on television, and as a result, they cannot be satisfied sexually by their husband. They look forward to a sexual relationship that will make them scream and moan like those they watch in movies, and when they don’t get to scream and moan as expected, they are disappointed. Orgasm is the climax of sexual satisfaction during intercourse, but it is not as it is presented through the media. Any woman who desires sexual satisfaction from her husband cannot afford to live in Fantasy Island.
Don’t be indifferent
Many people are apathetic when it comes to their sexual relationship with their spouse. As far as they are concerned, it matters very little to them whether they are sexually satisfied or not. This people don’t see any reason why they need to work at making their sexual relationship with their spouse better because, as far as they are concerned, everything is alright the way it is. The problem with such people is that they leave the spouse unsatisfied, making them vulnerable.
Avoid being overweight
Though being overweight does not have a direct impact on your sexual relationship, yet its indirect impact cannot be over looked. This is because having a great body affects your self esteem and confidence. When you are proud of your body, you feel confident being naked before your spouse. But when you are not, the reverse is the case and you tend to become uptight with your body. Every woman needs to be in a shape that she will be comfortable with her body and vice versa. Being in good shape also helps your fitness which also affects your agility in bed.
Masturbation
Masturbation is one factor that is stops many men from giving the whole of themselves to their wives. It is the act of giving oneself sexual pleasure by rubbing ones sexual organs. This is common among men. When a man practices masturbation, it may cause him to feel he doesn’t need a spouse or that a spouse cannot satisfy him like he will satisfy himself. Such men get married because they have to and not because they need a woman to satisfy their sexual needs. They make love to their wives only when it is necessary and unavoidable. For such men, satisfying their wives’ sexual desire will not be a priority.
Create time for one another
A tight time schedule is one factor that is responsible for the sexual dissatisfaction among couples today. Perfecting the art of love making takes time. When all that you do is to rush into your wife and rush out because you have worked yourself out at work, then reaching orgasm may become a mirage. For the wife, lying like a log of wood, with the attitude of ‘do whatever you want to do and let me sleep’ after overworking yourself during the day, does not make for sexual fulfillment for the man. Couples whose goal is to attain sexual satisfaction in marriage must commit themselves to spending quality time together.
Couples should always have it at the back of their mind that energy must be reserved for the discharged of sexual responsibility towards one another. After all, it is said that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Young couples should, once in a while, drop their children with their grannies, where it is possible, and spend the weekend with one another alone in the house. Older couples should learn to take some weekends off to be alone with one another.
It is important you know that things don’t just happen. It is only the things that we make happen, that happen for us. Work on your sexual relationship with your spouse and it will turn out the way you desire.
It is important you know that things don’t just happen. It is only the things that we make happen, that happen for us. Work on your sexual relationship with your spouse and it will turn out the way you desire.
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