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| Man and Woman |
The extent to which a couple has been able to master these sexual differences will determine the extent to which they will be able to satisfy one another sexually and this will, to a great extent, determine the health of their marriage. A point I will like to stress once again is the fact that sexual satisfaction is not automatic.
That you are husband and wife does not mean you will satisfy one another sexually. Every man who is sexually satisfied by his wife, and who has successfully gotten his wife to the point of looking forward to another act with him, has been able to master male and female sexual differences and is using them to their advantages. And the same goes with the woman. Sexual differences often become stumbling blocks to sexual satisfaction between couples when they are not mastered.
Gary D. Chapman, in his book Covenant Marriage, shared some truth about sexual differences in man and woman, which I will like to share with you. According to him, the sexual differences in man and woman are evident in three major areas: sexual need, arousal patterns and sexual responses.
Sexual need
According to Chapman, man and woman differ in the nature of their sexual needs. Man’s sexual need is physically based. His gonads are continually producing sperm, which are stored in the seminal vesicles along with seminal fluid. When the seminal vesicles are full, there is a physical push for release. And this is done through sexual intercourse. His emotion does not come in. Whether or not things are right emotionally between himself and his wife, once his seminal vesicles are full, he feels press and he seeks for means of releasing the sperm he has stored up. That is why he can make sexual advances to his wife despite the fact that things are not right between them emotionally.
On the other hand, the sexual need of a woman tends to be more rooted in her emotion and desire to feel loved. If she feels loved, she wants to make love with the husband who loves her. Once she does not feel love, she has no interest in sex. Her sexual desire is also tempered by her hormonal cycle, which is influenced by her emotional and intellectual relationship with her husband.
This difference explains why, many times, the husband may want to have sex and the wife doesn’t, and also why husbands may desire to have sex more often than his wife. However, Chapman advices that a man “must place much more emphasis on nonsexual love; that is, he must communicate his love and care for his wife in ways that are more meaningful to her…Without much emotional intimacy, he cannot expect her to be as responsive sexually as he may be.”
Arousal patterns
This is another area in which a man differs from a woman. Men tend to be sexually stimulated by what they see while women are more stimulated by tender touch, kind words, acts of service or quality time spend with their husbands. This difference explains the reason why a man can be “set on fire” just by watching his wife undress while the wife, on the other hand, may watch him undress and the thought of sex may never cross her mind. Chapman however suggests that a man “must not expect his wife to be as interested in sexual intercourse as he is when he has been stimulated by sight. He must take his time and use kind words, tender touch, and other ways to help her feel loved in order to bring her to the same level of interest he has reached simply by sight stimulation.”
This difference is also what makes it possible for a man to be sexually aroused by watching a female figure on the television or by driving past a lady on the street.
Sexual response
Men are also different from women in the area of sexual response. Men’s physical and emotional response tends to be fast and explosive, while that of women tends to be slow and lasting. This is what is responsible for early or premature ejaculation during sexual intercourse.
Early or premature ejaculation is a situation where the man reaches orgasm very fast and returns back to his usual state, while his wife is still gathering momentum. It connotes a situation where the wife is just beginning while the husband has finished. In this case, the wife is often aroused and left unsatisfied while the husband has had a field day. A woman once described it to me, and in her words I quote, “He takes me to an island and leaves me there to sort myself out.”
Another woman said, “He takes me on a trip to the mountain top and drops me all of a sudden to fall to the ground.”
The problem of premature ejaculation is responsible for the sexual dissatisfaction many women are experiencing with their husbands. And to solve this problem, Tim and Beverly LaHaye, in their best-selling book “The Act of Marriage” suggest that the man should learn to delay his entrance into his wife until she is well lubricated and her labia minora (vaginal lips) are enlarged two to three times their normal size.” They also suggest that the man should remain motionless for one or two minutes after entering into his wife in other to gain control of himself. While doing this, he should be using his finger to stimulate his wife’s clitoris in other to set her on the verge of climax before he starts thrusting.
Men and women are not the same; that is why they are called the opposite sex. Understanding these sexual differences and cooperating with them will help to deepen your sexual intimacy with your spouse.
Source: Tribune
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